My last post chronicled the bizarre text conversations I was having with a group of ‘mercians who were trying to contact some dipshit named Kyle (Verizon, also dipshits, gave me his recently cancelled number).
That was nearly a month ago, but my phone continues to erupt every few days with messages and calls from people wondering where Kyle is or where his penis has been (Kyle, I have learnt, is New Jersey’s answer to Errol Flyn).
Below is an aggregation of the best, worst and most terrifying text conversations I’ve had with people who were trying to contact Kyle.
livin' in 'merica 